Some say that they don't feel they fit in with other people, some say they can't find others who share similar interests or who have similar backgrounds and others confess that they don't cultivate friendships when someone does initiate a relationship. One client describes how she freezes up and becomes extremely uncomfortable when meeting new people and facing the possibility of having to reveal herself to someone new.
Many of the struggles you have or have had in relationships are really struggles with yourself. Every fault or flaw you see in them is a reminder of a weakness you see in yourself. Someone suggests that every conflict you experience with another person is an excuse to not face a conflict within yourself.
You all can learn to believe that you are lovable and loved. Most people, though, see their faults and failings and instead believe they are not worthy of love and good relationships. "Why would anybody love me?" is a question I often hear. Another common question is, "Why do I pick the wrong people to be my friends or boy or girlfriend?" A favorite of mine is something I regularly hear single women say, "My picker is broken." So instead of projecting a sense of being worthy of being loved and being lovable you may project a sense that something is really wrong with you and you don't deserve to be loved. It's amazing that you believe this because all of those statements and questions stated above are really only the results of experiences you may have had with relationships, they are not who you are, but what you have felt and done. So the reason you don't believe you are going to find true friendship or a romantic partner is because you are letting your mind tell you what it believes is the truth. What about your true nature? What do you, not your mind (the never-quieting and always active reminder of failed relationships with friends, families and lovers) believe about yourself?
As you learn to listen to your needs and wants in regards to relationships and not accept, as the truth, what others, including the media, tell you or have told you about your relationships you will get closer to your true nature. With more and more experience in accepting that you are loved and lovable the circle of love widens and this will include family members and friends, and then intimate partners.
The more you learn about yourself and your true nature the closer you will get to creating lasting and meaningful relationships. When you really find yourself, among all of the noise and clutter of your past experiences, and discover and admit what it is you really need and want you will find good relationships. Until now, many of your relationships may have not been successful or worth the effort because those people have been mirrors of who and what you thought you were. If you weren't happy with yourself or if you believed you were not worthy of being loved you may have attracted similar people. When you finally accept your worth and value as a lovable and loved individual you will find people who feel the same way and you will be able to give and receive love and friendship much more.
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